Power corrupts said Lord Actor. I have created the lazyroad corollary to this political axiom . Imagined power turns friendly bloggers into meglomaniacs.
I am proposing three new edicts:
1. Restaurant background music over 80 decibel is strictly prohibited. Owners who violate this rule will be subject to the following torture. They will have to listen for a period of not less than 48 hours to the music they despise the most. If you remember my fellow dictator Noriega of Panama surrendered to the Americans after being forced to listen to high decibel rock and roll. Noriega is a fan of classical music.
2. Recently, I bought cheap vanilla ice cream at Albertson’s. This might surprise you. The ice cream contained not a microgram of vanilla. It does contain natural flavors (wood chips, nutmeg) which are combined to taste like vanilla. Truth in advertising will be enforced in my regime. Albertson’s and other chain cannot call ‘vanilla ice cream’ vanilla ice cream if there is no vanilla in the product. They can however label this product ‘Phoney Baloney Vanilla’.
3. Robert Trivers the famed biologist wrote that temper tantrums are known in many species including pelicans. He wrote, ” pelican chicks will work themselves into a frenzy before falling prostrate at their parent’s feet., in effect demanding immediate investment, which they often receive”. Pelican chick temper tantrum set a bad example for human children. We cannot totally eliminate temper tantrums in all species. But I think we can definitely bring the pelican community aboard in our effort to crush international ‘temper tantrumism’.
Cheapskates will be banished in my kingdom. I would only buy that expensive brand which I can’t spell.